The Endless and Vicious Cycle of 'Doctor Coddling'

Going to the doctor is taught to be thought of as a helpful and universally positive experience. In the world of modern medicine, where we have machines that can read the signals inside our brains, the doctor is widely thought of as one of the few people we can be honest with. They're universally helpful, supportive, and the first step on a path to better health. This is true, to some extent, especially for physical health. However, though, doctors are also people. And people, especially those with power, require extra containment.

Note: I wrote this in one go on 21st February of 2026 without much editing. I might edit this in the future, but I thought this was an interesting idea and wanted to share.

One of my most-watched YouTubers is a YouTuber called F.D Signifier. He's a Black American, who mainly focuses on the Black experience. Shedding thoughts on contemporary social issues from his perspective, and the perspective of people he's in community with. Something he mentioned which has always stuck with me is that, whenever challenging racism or problematic behaviours from White people. It must be done in the most coddling and feathered way possible. This is because White people are typically in positions of power, or, at least, in positions to be understood more clearly by power – because that power is most likely wield by other White people. So, if they upset power, it could become dangerous, or at least disadvantageous. Something he mentions specifically is his White Man Voice that he will put on when talking to the police. As they have all the power and relationship between Black Americans and the police has not always been positive. (To say the least.)

It's a fascinating interaction to note. In situations where power is imbalanced, if the higher and lower parties don't have a groundwork of mutual understanding. Then one of them usually has to modify themselves to become palatable to power. The party almost certainly doing this is going to be the party with lower power. That's the fundamental nature of power. Without the experiences and thoughts of being powerless, then power cannot understand that mindset or the requirements of that life. It's perhaps one of the most subtle and damaging ways that power imbalances can create uneven effort.

This doesn't only exist in race, of course. It exists in class, money, gender, education, seniority, [dis]ability, and almost any axis we want to divide people across.

So, why bring any of this up? It's because I have realised this power imbalance has crept in to the system everybody is told is the most open, most permissible, and most honest; mental health.

I don't make it a secret my cognitive and inner difficulties. One of the most, arguable the most, useful development in my process to understand has been to let go of expectation and shame. This has led me to produce more deep respect and understanding of myself. Building not only emotional stability, but develop those experiences into a lived philosophy. Which now guides living and is constantly iterated upon. Thinking back, without this self-built framework, emotions were out-of-control and unmanageable; life was a mess.

This has undoubtedly improved my life overall, but, like replacing rotten floorboards, sometimes you discover a deeper problem underneath them. Mine has is a chronic sense of disconnect from myself and this body, which I have come to understand has dissociation. Which is a symptom not very widely understood, neither by the public nor mental health professionals. However, lack of understanding does not mean lack of impact.

The lack of understanding in the system and my deeper mediated understanding has introduced a conflict between myself and the healthcare system. For the past 4 years or so, my GP and I have been trying to get a funding request green lit to treat these symptoms. Yesterday, Friday 20th February 2026, I got a phone call from somebody at the NHS, asking when I would be available for an appointment. They hadn't been informed of my symptoms, and when I started to describe very normal concepts to me. Such as my arms and legs feeling disconnected from my mind, which is the default state. They respond that, “[My] case is very complex… I don't know.” (Which feels like something you shouldn't admit to the patient…)

However, this minor comment, in the grand scheme of things, immediately brought back all my frustration with the healthcare system. My neurologist and GP have a general understanding of dissociation and my situation. Nobody else, though, clearly knows what they're talking about, or what dissociation is. I know because whenever I'm in A&E, they find 'dissociative symptoms' on my record. They always ask me what that means and always pronounce it, “Disassociation.”

Once or twice, this experience is not a problem. When it's the second or third dozenth time? I'd just rather not even bother, to be honest. If you do disengage, that is put on your record and can be used against you in the future as evidence of disengagement. As someone with an ongoing funding request, I can't afford any signal of disengagement, lest that damage my funding chances. So, I put on the performance and the 'Doctor Voice' and calmly explain; I engaged in 'doctor coddling'. Subduing that inner rage-filled voice asking, “Why the fuck am I explaining this again?”

The grand irony of this is if you understand what dissociation is, this increases dissociation. It's putting on a performance and suppressing inner-emotions to cope with a life stress. And, it is a life stress. Not a mere inconvenient interaction; it's an interaction that requires suppression of the self to remain palatable to the system. Because, they ultimately have all the power. If it is recorded that I'm not engaging, become violent, or if they feel threatened, the power is all in the doctor's hands to refuse my referral, or to lock me up for my 'safety'.

This is doctor coddling; an added stress that people who sit on multitudes of intersections must contend with in the healthcare system. It's a performance to, hopefully, gain access to the help that the system is supposed to provide. But it does not. The current state of healthcare in England means that complex cases like these are too complicated, too expensive, and, ultimately, not worth dealing with. They can state that 'every person matters' and that any 'suicide is a tragedy'. But I would respond, “How can those things be true when trying to access healthcare shows not every person does matter, and that suicide (or other 'self-harms') are a natural outcome from it?”

If, Heaven forbid, someone in this situation, sitting on these intersections, trying to manage this stress, did decide non-life was better than dealing with it. The NHS would be the first to ask, “We are all trying to find the guy who did this.”

However, if one does engage in doctor coddling, as I have been made to. Then, soothed presentation often leads them to believe things are not as bad as they are. Or that, perhaps, a less extensive (expensive) form of treatment would be suitable instead. I know from experience as, part of my ongoing funding request, I was made to do 10 sessions of art therapy before they'd consider my request properly. All those sessions were doctor coddled, never appearing too serious, too crazy, too mad; always just within where the doctor's boundaries were.

It is great for safety; bad for improvement. That's the thing, though, without systemic safety for honesty. How can anything improve? The NHS and therapeutic services say they need honesty, without producing the environment where honesty can flourish; without providing the resources where honesty is supported. This a singular bind. It is not a bind for the NHS, the system doesn't particularly care about suffering it doesn't know about. It is a bind for the patient, creating a performance requirement that must be upheld to produce some safety and some understanding from within the system. This is artificial, fake, tiring, and dangerous, but not up to the patient to fix.

All of this brings me to one question. Who are these services for? Are they for all people in need? When it is underfunded, it cannot mask its limitations and abusive attachment. When it cannot help, that stress is offloaded to the patient. And when 'risk' becomes too great, i.e. a patient's suicide, then it acts to protect itself. If these systems were here for our health, then it would not have put myself, and people like me, in a position where harm is predictable, and the responsibility is offloaded. It could have prevented all of this, but chooses not to.

For now, though, the act of doctor coddling continues. The, “Yes, officer,” voice. But inside, that world is raging and disengagement is understandable. The doctors shall continue to be coddled, and the self reduced for their comprehension. The system is happy, but are patients healing?