The Loneliness Society and Empathy Outsourcing
It seems in England, and largely the Western World, we have become isolated, starved of empathy and connection. No doubt this feeling is aided by the politicians and media outlets that focus and create cultural divides for their own careers or revenue. I cannot open the news without being bombarded with headlines, images, and messages shouting at how divided our world is, and how we should feel about it. The worst has been platformed; if someone hates you, you will always know about it. As a result, we have lost the social scripts and capabilities to connect and, most damagingly, empathy.
Despite my own best efforts, I notice myself slipping into passive nihilism – turning to hopelessness. Disbelieving that connection is possible, but beyond that, maybe the people around me simply don't deserve kindness. These are the effects of being reminded, bombarded, and algorithmically addicted to learning about divide and hate – doomscrolling. When we feel like we live in a society and world that cannot understand us, then even the strongest knight would start to become succumb to social alienation. With the final destinations being depression, loneliness, and addiction. However, tell someone about these reactions, and you will get always get told to do one thing, "Go to therapy."
On the face of it, this is a reasonable suggestion. Therapy can provide one with a deeper understanding of oneself and how these social, political, and economic realities have effected us. I have found tools like metacognition extremely useful for understanding myself. I have noticed within myself after being in some type of therapy for around 15 years, however, therapy did not only serve to provide these tools; it became a surrogate for empathy. What I couldn't find in the outside world, now there is a person paid to be empathetic, understanding, and listening. Which, to be clear, was required and welcomed.
Now, though, this empathy surrogate has allowed people, institutions, and power to abdicate their empathetic responsibilities and outsource it. If someone reacts to being stripped of social or state support with depression because of how they feel unvalued, and their life is significantly more difficult. The response can easily be, "You are depressed, you need therapy." When, in reality, therapy is not what this person actually needs, their depression is the normal response to an artificial pain. Now the problem is with them, their mind, and it is theirs to fix.
What should be a tool for self-discovery and healing, is being used as a patchwork tool – a distraction – for wider social, economic, and political issues.
I bought into this idea that therapy and mental health services were going to enable me to 'fix' myself and correct my problems with my brain. For those 15 years or so, I was waiting and waiting for the moment where I would feel better. Now, though, it's clear that this was a fallacy and not how the world works. Instead, I had been tricked into believing another round of CBT or maybe another session of counselling would help. At best, it would make the week more bearable. Despite the fact that the systems and institutions I was surrounded by simply does not care about me, as well as lots of other people.
When I had a better understanding of myself, I used gender diversity and 'non-binary' (though I don't really identify with this, but it is the most useful and known word to use for now) to explore my emotions outside what I was told was 'permissible' for me. The result? In this social, cultural, and political climate; revile, disgust, no understanding, no empathy. Which, naturally, makes one depressed. I will note that it is extremely ironic that what was explored in therapy and allowed some healing is now being used to attack and degrade. The proposed solution for my problems that are mine to deal with? "Go to therapy."
If I did this, we would be stuck in a never-ending loop and I would be waiting for myself to 'fix' how I have responded. When the responsibility is shared, but those with power and responsibility utterly refuse empathy; too inconvenient, incongruent with their goals, or maybe it's just 'too expensive'? The NHS is where you need to go for kindness and empathy, apparently, and one should not expect it elsewhere. Immigrant being discriminated against? Therapy. Disabled with reduced quality of like? Therapy. Trans person suffering under abusive family? Therapy.
Tell me, how is therapy going to resolve their issues? Answer; it won't, and it was never designed to, but it is certainly useful for keeping people occupied and out of the public eye.
These mental health services are incredibly inaccessible. I can say as of writing this in June 2025, my funding request for specialist therapy has been 'in-progress' for ~2 years. If you live in an underprivileged area, you will wait, or simply not have access. Even if you do get it, if you belong to some minority, the quality of the care you receive might vary wildly – and the empathy you are entitled to could be very limited.
It is so incredibly disappointing that the removal of empathy, the promotion of loneliness, and capitalisation of alienation has become accepted. I want to make friends, want to socialise, want to talk, but how is that possible when we are constantly bombarded with messages of our hate? When the alleged tools for 'fixing' this 'problem' are withheld and inaccessible? It is convenient and, ironically, isolating in and of itself when therapy is the provided answer.
These mental health services give people and institution carte blanche permission to remove themselves from empathy and compassion.
It is time to learn metacognition and the tools for survival from community; promote introspection and understanding within ourselves. Then we can connect in understanding. Rebuild our social scripts for building shared humanity, where we can give each other the space for understanding. Reject the narrative that these systems are here to serve us, before they serve us, they have a master with his own goals which does not align with ours.